Late that evening I asked my companion, who had proved her ability to get her brain to work for her earlier when she calculated the optimum wine for our bacon cheeseburger dinner and then calculated (in her head!) what 20 percent of 47.95 is.
So I asked her, over the remainder of the vin (a sassy cote d’ rhone that rode that burger like a show horse), “tell me, you hate rules; you’ve broken your share: what are the rules of blogging?”
She looked at me like she was looking at me over her glasses but wasn’t wearing any but just imagine she was. That kind of look -- the staring-over-her-glasses-at-me-as-if-assessing-my-cerebral-acuity kind of look. It pins me to my chair like an entomology specimen. The sand goes out of me. I instinctively seek a bon mot, like the kind James Bond might toss off as the laser beam is traveling up his inseam. But out blurts the Truth: “Look, Hon, I just need a peg here, a quick list. I’ve cut myself on the edge of my blogging deadline. I promise not to attribute.”
“You know what happens if you do.”
This was not a question.
As if to say “yes, maam”, I gulp.
“OK. Here are ten. Break them at your perile.”
She slurps lustily of sassy rhone, performs a modified trill, very subtle, and writes for me the end of this entry thus:
Blog Rules:
1. Never blog till you have to.
2. Whenever possible, wear comfortable clothing.
3. Bloviate sparingly. (“You’ll struggle with this one,” she added parenthetically.)
4. If you must blog in anger, edit in peace, post with humility. (“Will I struggle with this one?” I asked. She rolled her eyes.)
5. Never compare your blog to the blogs of others.
6. Look up all the words you think, believe, or take for granted you know the meaning of.
7. Honor grammar.
8. Strangle your darlings.
9. Read widely.
10. Pray.
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